Putting It To Bed
by McGeekle
Summary: "The time for honesty had come. It was the least she could do for him after the way she had treated him. Hiding her mission from him was a mistake, but hiding her heart from him would be an even bigger one." Tag to 'Berlin.' Kind of a companion piece to 'Up In The Air.'


The moment they stepped foot into their hotel room, Tony collapsed back onto the bed, closing his eyes in the sheer joy of being horizontal. His back ached, and he basked in the comfort that an airplane seat could not provide.

Ziva sighed at his antics, smiling slightly as he groaned in relief. He lay still on the bed, his breath eventually evening out as sleep overtook him. Ziva shuffled around the room quietly, moving their bags into the corner before climbing on to the bed herself. She curled up next to him, and though there was still a respectable distance between them, the amount of comfort his sleeping form provided her was immeasurable. She watched him for a moment. The rhythmic rise and fall of his chest relaxed and reassured her more than anything had in recent memory.

He was here, in Berlin, risking his life and career for her once again. The last time such an event had occurred, she wasn't in a place to truly observe the sacrifice he made. This time, however, that was not the case. She was fully aware of what she had asked him to do. She was aware that they could both lose everything if they got this wrong, and she was certain that he knew it too. Yet there he slept, by her side as always. She could only hope that they could come out of this alive.

As soon as Ziva's weight shifted the bed, Tony was awake. He felt her lay beside him, her breath gently caressing his cheek, and her heavy gaze falling on his face. She was thinking, and from what he could tell, thinking hard. He allowed her a few moments of contemplation before turning his head to face her, sleep still in his eyes.

"Hey," he said simply.

"Hey."

"What are you thinking about?" he asked

"It is…not important."

"I don't believe you. You have your thinking face on."

"I have a thinking face?"

"Oh yes. You have many faces, but your thinking face is one of my favorites. You get so focused, your eyes look like you're a million miles away."

"You have favorite faces of mine?" she asked, a mix of amused and astonished.

"Let's not get off the subject," he said as he realized what he'd revealed. "What are you thinking about?"

The time for honesty had come. It was the least she could do for him after the way she had treated him. Hiding her mission from him was a mistake, but hiding her heart from him would be an even bigger one.

"Things. This. The mission…and you," she said, her eyes darting up to meet his quickly.

After thinking for a moment, he decided to tackle one piece of the reply at a time. "Are you nervous…about the mission?"

"No…well, yes, in some ways."

"What ways?" He was clearly going to have to push her a bit.

"I am worried that things will not go as planned."

"That we're not gonna get him?"

"No…It is not our inability to find him that I am worried about."

"You're worried he's gonna find us first."

"It is one of many concerns I have."

"It's a good one. Healthy. Care to voice any of the others?"

"I am…feeling anxious in a way I cannot place."

"Do you want to know what I think?"

"Yes," she said sincerely.

"I think you know you're not this person anymore. You know deep down that it's not going to help. You'll have the blood of another man on your hands for Eli and he'll still be gone."

A tear escaped Ziva's eye.

"Am I close?"

She nodded. "This is why I did not tell you, Tony. I did not need to be any more emotionally compromised than I already am," she said fighting tears. "I do not need to be reminded that my skills are not as sharp as they used to be, or that there is some other way to deal with this. It is the only thing I know, and I am duty bound to Eli to find the person who…murdered him, and bring them to justice."

"See, that's where I disagree."

"You cannot disagree with my feelings, even I know that's not how it works."

"Just hear me out, okay? I think you do need to be reminded that you're not the same person you were. You're not a heartless assassin. You're a daughter who lost her father, and you're in pain. I get that you have to do this. I don't think it's going to help, but that's not for me to decide. The only thing I can do right now is have your back, and remind you that you're not alone in this. You never were."

Tears were flowing freely down Ziva's face as Tony finished speaking. It was like her heart was bursting. With what she didn't know.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"It's okay."

"It's not," she said, shaking her head.

"Hey," he said, reaching over to cup her face with his hand, "It's okay." He said, gently brushing her cheek with his thumb, hoping to wipe her tears away. "Come here."

He opened his arms to her, inviting her into his embrace. Without a moment's hesitation she came to him, laying her head gently on his chest and allowing his arms to envelop her.

"Aht lo lehvad," he whispered into her hair. He felt her sniffle before replying.

"I know."


End file.
